By Guest Blogger, Carolyn Cook.
OMG, I forgot to blog on my assigned day.
I know in advance that I am forgiven, so I’m not even going to pretend to obsess about this. I know that you understand how it feels when you drop the ball. Right now, my life is a like game of catch. Most days, the ball is winding up in my glove. But on days like today, I’m not only dropping it, I’m watching it roll down the street and into the storm drain. Goodbye, ball.
I can’t even think about taking an intentional risk today. Risk is built into the structure of my life. I am taking risks every day, because of the choices I’ve already made:
I have chosen to homeschool my child.
I have chosen to move my mother, who has dementia, to an assisted living facility that is five minutes from my home, and to be actively involved in her care.
I have chosen a career in the arts, which means I make very little money for a very large commitment of time, energy, and emotion.
There are new risks I want to take, and I’m looking forward to the time when life feels safe and boring again so that I can shake things up with an exciting new venture. But now is the time to hunker down and deal with the risky choices I’ve already made.
My next blog date is my fiftieth birthday. If there’s any risk I need to take at this stage of my life, it may be the risk of slowing down, dropping more balls, and letting them roll away. I simply want to love my husband, my mother, my daughter and my siblings. I want to be grateful for this amazing life we have with each other before it slips away.
If there’s any risk I need to take right now, it’s the risk of admitting that I am not in charge. Life is too big for me to hold in my glove. I’m part of a team, and it’s okay to let other people catch the ball sometimes. That’s how the game is played.
This post originally appeared True Voices’ RiskADay blog project, which has now concluded.
Carolyn Cook is a sometimes peaceful, sometimes frazzled individual who works to a raise a daughter, build a marriage, and explore the human condition through theatre, art, music, history, literature, and relationship. She is now posting her insightful thoughts on her own blog here.